kronologue

It Has Started Again

2006-04-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

It has started again. I have started to see things. Things which are not there anymore. I wake up not knowing where I am. Everythin that happened before I went to sleep is all a dream? Was i dreaming everything. The clock on my table reads 7am. I have to talk to her in 30 minutes. But all i can hear is static.
Was there a radio switched on somewhere. I look around me. It is a whole new world waiting to be explored by some naive young boy waiting to be forced into concentual slavery.
The last memory I have is of the smell of bleaching powder. This memory, triggers another on in which i tasted it. Where was i going to go anyway. My sleep is all i have and i loose it in my nightmares. I dont relise that Im talking out aloud to myself. When was the last time i did that. I remember, those were the days when it used to rain. You were all wet. You were not crying.
Time stopped for me. And before I knew it I was walking down the road alone.
The only moments I feel free is when I am with her. And now the only thing I feel is humiliation and lonliness.
I am loosing track of time again. I am loosing my mind.

Rolling Stones Decided to Gather No Moss

2005-02-06T10:19:00.000-08:00

It all started with a phone call to TCS office on January 31, 2005 a fine and comfortable warm Monday morning . The Human Resourse handling the employment of "the bums" told me i could pick my letter in the evening at 4.30pm. After getting the letter I decided I was not going to read it until February 1st so that I could enjoy one more evening of the bums life to which I had already attached an emotion of immense boredom.
But as always some frantic soul not quite in peace with themselves or with nature around them had to read the letter and ask only me a doubt with regard to some statement specified in it. I try to avoid ripping open my envelope with as much tact as possible. But a lady who is persistent enough can make any man submit to her whims and fancies, and this was exactly what happened that cloudy evening of January 31st.
So with a heavy heart I opened the envelope but in the process made a new acquantaince in the process. Her name is Nupur Jaiswal and she joins me in Hyderabad on 17th February, 2005 to formally bring an end to our current state of brain numbness.
Then later that night a girl with a grave voice calls me up at 10.30 and gives me the fright of my life by saying "Hi I'm Reema, I am from TCS". A stranger declaring that she is from TCS so late in the night made me assume that she was some HR personel from TCS calling me up to tell that my joining date on Feb 17th going to be postponed to some later date. Luckily after a long pause she said in words "Im a fresher like you". She wanted to know details about buses and other miscellaneous facts to which I had no answer at that moment since I was waiting for February 1st.
A few hours later after the phone call, I woke up to the first day of Febraury. Spent the whole morning talking to Nish. Then after that chalked out a plan of action for the next day.
So as per plans went to Ranbaxy for medical test on Feb 2nd. We had urine sample, blood sample, ECG, Xray, Eye doctor, Physician (the physician was cool, she smiled a lot) and one more test whose name I dont remember. That evening I get a call telling that there is somehting wrong with my ECG. I was asked to go for an ECHO cardiogram test the next day.
As it turned out it was some scam by the Ranbaxy people. But sure wasted my time. Then the search for my birth certificate commenced. I dont have one so had to apply for one. Will be getting it by 14th February.
Got nish online in the morning for an hour.Savio came home today. We spent almost an hour and a half togther laughing most of the time. Then later at night nish came online again. We spoke of nightmares in the moonlight.
Dreams are weird concepts. They either make a man to achieve great things or else breaks him up. But inspite of the balance having the capabilty to tip to any side we dont want to stop dreaming.

The Beauty of Life

2005-01-26T02:47:00.000-08:00

My fish laid eggs and from it came a bunch of nice small fishes. Happy Birthday Fishes.
I was thinking of names for the initial four fishes. but now i have 14 of them including the small fishes.
The mama fish was kind of fat these few days.i assumed it must be some sickness. But actually it was pregnant all this while. Wonder who the father is? Doesnt he have the right to know.
Never felt like this before.

Live On

2005-01-21T06:02:00.000-08:00

I was thinking of writing a really long entry here about religious tolerance and a little bit of sensibilities in our own lives when it comes to religious sensitivities of various communities. But I decided against it.
I will only say that God wants us to be like children innocent and pure. These certain characteristics of a child we loose as we grow up and become monsters killing each other like immature brats.
I found this journal entry on the web.
Here the father is telling about his daughters’ life from the time of her birth until now. Read it and try to remember the time when we had our own Lemon Trees and Graveyards. (Click to be directed to page).

Of fishes and slippers

2005-01-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

On monday one of my fish died.
Today i realised i had invented a new kind of slippers called "Notary Chappals". After a few minutes i realised i had heard wrong, it was actually "Not Reachable". It is really funny if you understood the joke.

I Just Called

2005-01-17T07:29:00.000-08:00

I just called up nish an hour back. It was nice talking to her. Nish's internet is down.Something to do with a mysterious firewall disallowing her from getting online. It has been 4 days since she has come online. Wonder when she will be riding technology's superhighway.
Got my new pair of glasses too. Every new pair makes me look more and more nerdy.God save me before i look like Woody Allen.

Basics of Life

2005-01-15T08:01:00.000-08:00

Today at the prayer meeting the preacher gave us a very strong and powerful message.

For a happy life we need to get back to the Basics of Life which is

1) Have a pure heart
2) Our love should be blind
3) Have faith in god
4) Our hope must endure at all times.

Meditating over it tonight.

call center trouble

2005-01-14T20:37:00.000-08:00

I hate callers who call up to tell us that some bill is pending. The pending bill is not the reason why I hate the callers. But it is their cocky attitude and an “I know it all” language that pisses me off.

This happened the day before yesterday. I was stepping outside to get some weird task done when the phone rang. Generally I let ringing phones to ring when I’m at the doorstep. But that day by some queer twist in fate I decided against it and picked up the phone and apprehensively said “Hello!!” expecting it to be my dad to give me another errand to add to the list of chores for the day.
However when I heard the person on the other end I knew today was going to be long phone call.

Caller: Hello, is this Mr Annie John’s residence?
Me: (audible groan)
Caller: What?

I was in a good mood to say “No lady, this is not MISTER Annie John’s residence” and then hang up immediately. Well she should know the difference between a male and female name. Who would name their son “Annie” other than the French? Or was the caller from France. As an after thought, do the French call their sons “Annie”? I don’t know. Anyways back to the call.

Me: Yes madam this is my MOM’s residence.
Caller: Can I speak to HIM?
Me: No you cannot speak to HIM. He is in the office. (I was trying reverse psychology)
Caller: Oh ok. Can I have HER cell phone number?

It worked. She finally got the difference.
Then she told me something about a telephone bill not paid. Well we aren’t interested in paying the bill since we don’t use the telephone. We presented it to one of our drivers. It is the driver’s problem now. I didn’t tell her all that though. I was curious about the current state of the telephone since the bill hasn’t been paid for almost three months now. So I tried an indirect approach.

Me: So what happens when we don’t pay our bill for three months?
Caller: We disconnect the phone sir. What else can happen? What a silly question is that?

I was in a good mood to complain to her boss for being so rude. Maybe it is silly, but you don’t tell anybody on the phone they are silly for asking a question. At least not on a customer care service. I let it pass.

Me: Oh ok so is the phone already disconnected.
Caller: HaHaHa what are you doing? What class are you studying in? Of course it is disconnected.

That is it!!! No one humiliates me and gets away with it. My mind was working fast. I needed something to get back to her. And at that moment I know what I had to tell her.
(Wickedly grinning but with an innocent voice)

Me: Madam if the phone is disconnected how come you are talking to me on the same phone.
Caller: (Long silence)

I knew I had hit bull’s eye. I knew I had planted the seed of confusion in. Then I heard some furious typing. Clickity Clack Clack Clack!!!! The finally…..

Caller: Hahaha!!! You got me there sir. I fell for that. I called you up on another number.
Me: I know. But wasn’t that so silly of you to fall for that.

She just laughed.
Then she hung up saying Bye.
It was really stupid prank by me. It wasn’t even a prank. But when you are out there answering calls the whole day, then any question out of line out of the ordinary can cause a little confusion. I guess that’s what happened to her too.
Thank god she took it with a pinch of salt rather than blowing her top off. The revenge would have been even sweeter if I could manage to piss her off.

Suicide only a solution?

2005-01-13T20:39:00.000-08:00

Suicide is not the answer!

Ask the 25-year-old who tried to electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone.

What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging sense of humor. That was before he leaped from a building. Now, he's brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.

What about pills? Ask the 12-year-old with extensive liver damage from an overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow. It's a hard way to go.

What about a gun? Ask the 24-year-old who shot himself in the head. Now he drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side. He lived through his "foolproof" suicide. You might too.

But ... who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job--but SOMEONE has to do it.

Who will have to cut you down from where you hung yourself or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Your father? Your mother? Your wife? Your son?

The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is of no help. Those who loved you will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain.

Suicide is contagious. Look around your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it ten years from now.

You DO have other choices. There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Call a family member. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the police. They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be just a minute, a month, or a day away.

You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? -Well, then, I may see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with whatever you have left.

Remember: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

***IF YOU'RE READING THIS, PLEASE STEAL IT AND PUT IT IN YOUR JOURNAL TOO.***

A Sofa to Smile

2005-01-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

I had to mention here that last Sunday we got the sofa ready for our use. It loos just like the one at Nisha's place where we just sat around every morning when she was here. :) And everytime I sit on my sofa I cannot stop myself from smiling.

Car Trouble

2005-01-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

This is my first entry for the year 2005. I am mentioning this fact explicitly because my computer has this weird habit of changing the dates and so I usually end up posting with a future date.
This years New Year is the weirdest I’ve ever had. For the first time since my LKG days I didn’t have to worry about doing anything for school during the New Year. Well starting my new year as a bum sure does kick ass.
The weirdest thing that happened after New Year was Sonu’s arrival at around 9pm on Jan 4th. I was on a roller coaster ever since.
One of the most stupid things about Sonu is that he can relentlessly keep asking stupid questions over and over again.
The most memorable moments were first in the car garage. He wants to know the price of some rusted piece of metal which apparently looks like a 1970’s Ford. So he goes to the mechanic and starts of his questioning.

Sonu: Bhaiya how much is that Ford?
Mechanic: What Ford?
Sonu: That one there (pointing to the junk)
Mechanic: That is not a Ford. That is a Fiat Sports.

Sonu has the look of a guy who has just fallen down two and a half floors. All his education on Ford’s through MY internet has gone to waste. I smirk at him. So much for you interest in Ford’s pal I think to myself. But Sonu doesn’t want to give up.

Sonu: Bhaiya are you sure its not a Ford.
Mechanic: Yes
Sonu: Really?
Mechanic: Really
Sonu: But a Ford looks like exactly like that.
Mechanic: Really? Since when? (Clearly getting irritated. Sonu cannot read signs.)
Sonu: I mean I always thought it was Ford.
Mechanic: You were wrong.
Sonu: But still, are you sure it is not a Ford.

The mechanic walks away towards another metal heap. He was trying as best as possible to avoid Sonu now. Sonu follows him.

Sonu: How much will you sell the Ford for?
Mechanic: We don’t sell Fords because we don’t have any Fords here.
Sonu: How about that one. (pointing to the Fiat)
Mechanic: THAT’S NOT A FORD.
Sonu: That’s ok with me. How much will you sell it for?
Mechanic: 46000.
Sonu: Are you sure?
Mechanic: Yes
Sonu: Is it worth that much?
Mechanic: Yes
Sonu: But shouldn’t a Ford be more costly. 46000 for a Ford is really cheap.
Me: I guess that’s why they call it a Fiat Sonu.
Mechanic now is clearly pissed off. He buries his face deep inside the engine of another car.
Me: Lets go Sonu I don’t think they are interested in selling Fiats.
Sonu: but Ken I always thought it was Ford.
Me: Thast ok man.
Sonu: Im going to checkout their website again and make sure
Me: Groan. Not again. Im already thinking of ways to prevent him form getting close to my computer.

Well later Sonu did agree that the vehicle wasn’t a Ford after all. I bet he used the internet while I was asleep.

one wheel drive only

2004-12-18T08:44:00.000-08:00

The most fascinating comment that i always got from my friends was that "kensen if there is one person who can ride your bike,then its only you". Until now i considered it to be an overexagerated statement maded by friends who were actually ashamed to use my ill maintained and broken down bike.
But todays ride with Arun( drives the indica) in the pillion seat confirmed my friends theories about my bike. We were supposed to go to a automobile store and buy some oddities for our ambassador. It was going to bea long ride ona route which i was unfamiliar with. So i gave the keys to Arun for him to drive us to the place.
The bike wouldn't start. It was like some omen foretelling of whast going to happen ahead on our journey. However after a few tries the bike did start. I took my place behind Arun and we set off. We had gone around hundred metres when suddenly the bike stalled in the middle of the road.Since the road was sloping down the bike started moving backwards and riight at that time a huge truck came and stopped right behind us honking for us to get going. I jumped down to make it easier for Arun to stop the bike from rolling backwards right into the truck. He did somehow manage to avert the danger got the bike started and we were again on our way. At that point i offered to take the driving seat to which Arun said "No". There was a slight fear building up within me. We were about to use very busy roads and there was something reminidng me of my friends portentious claims.
I somehow managed to bury them with my logical conscienceif there is something like that. For the next 5 minutes our dribe was uneventful. We were drving through BTM layout main road. When we reached the trraffic lights the bike suddenly stalled again. Arun tried starting it again but no response from it. The lights turn green and the people behind us start honking. Just then the bike starts.
Arun shifts to the 1st gear and releases the clutch. Maybe the releasing was faster than was required. Usualy when this happens the bike would jerk forward and the engine would switch off. But what happened to us was absolutely amazing. The Front wheel lifted int the air to almost 45 degrees. And the bike was moving on forward with me hanging onto Arun's back with my life. Im sure to the people watching we would have looked like two stuntmen performing some daredevil act right in the middle of a heavy traffic. Atleast this thought must have coursed through their minds becasue for a few seconds there was complete silence. I dont think they heard me screaming in my head!!!
Then finally after a few seconds in the air the wheel decides to land with a loud crash my shock absorbers taking most of the gut wrenching impact with solid ground. We didnt loose balance. We just continued on our way like nothinf happened. IT must have looked like a well rehearsed stunt for some cheap B grade movie.
On the ride back i drove. This time nothing superhuman took place. It felt like i was drving a whole different bike. I suspect this is just a case of split personality!!!!

my goldfish tales

2004-12-15T08:04:00.000-08:00

For the first time in my life i got two goldfishes as pets. And what happened today didnt leave me all that pleased. They didn't even bother to tell me they were leaving me. But we suspected something was amiss yesterday. Both of them (didnt get time to even name them) seemed to reaching up to some unseen force the whole evening yesterday. They were swimming on the suface withe their small mouths sticking out of the water and making gulping movements. It looked sad. Something told me they were going to die. But i didnt wnat to accept it. Changed the water.Put in some food. They ignored it. It seemed like they were determined to leave forever.
This morning both of them were dead. One of them was floating on the surface. The other was lying on its side on the rock pieces.
Preethy woke me up with the news. Whata nice way to start a day. I wasnt sad but i guess i was angry. Lucky it was only two days. I didnt do anything much to miss it. Sometimes i feel the cockraoch which i tried to tame was a much better pet than this. Though i could never tame it to call it "my pet".
So then conducted its last rights myself. Everyone else at home were sad about it. I cleaned the bowl. Washed the rocks. I guess im going to try once again. This time with mcuh smaller fish. If they die too im going to wait until i find a place where there is much better living conditions for the fish.
I havea sneaky feeling these two guys who died didnt die peacefully in their sleep. First of all fish dont sleep i guess since their eyes are always open. And the way they were behaving last night im assuming that the water which we provided lacked oxygen. So in all probablity the fish drowned in oxygenless water. I guess that feeling must be similar to whata human being suffers when he drowns. Death is slow but ineveitable, so close yet unclear.
May their scales rest in peace.
I guess its time to cut my hair. As nish says "cut my worries away". i got to cut my moodiness away.

Into the divider and back

2004-12-14T07:55:00.000-08:00

My drive from home to the travel agency takes me through 14 kilometers of a mini highway which we call the ringroad. This is called a ring road because it is built all around the city.So if you wnat to go from end of the city to the other end you jump into the rinroad and take a nicee fast drive around the city. This drive may involve driving a few moer extra kilometers but it sure does save a lot of time as we dont have to traverse to clogged and narrow roads.
Since the ringroad is modelled on the basis of a highway but on a much smaller scale.It has only three lanes and in some places two. There is a concrete divider separating the two sides of the road. The particular stretch im going to talk about is called the "Airport Ring Road" since it borders the outerwall of the Bangalore Airport.
The fact that the airport is just a jump over the wall is a reason for so many accidents that happens along this particular stretch. The beauty about this ringroad is that it lies exaclty perpendicular to the main airstrip which is used by all aircrafts to land. So what happens is that when the airplane is making its final approach to land it flies down so low that anybody on the ringroad is either mesmerised or scared stiff. its not everyday that an aircraft flies above your head so close.
The first time this happened to me i was driving the car with my whole fmaily in it. I was driving at the maximum allowable speed as specified by my dad. i had reached the particular spot when a large shadow envleoped the whole car. For a moment i was confused and when i looked up i just froze. Memories of 9/11 are still fresh in my mind to make the view so very terrifying. I dont know how long i was held captive by this absolutely horrifying sight but the next thing i remember was my dad yelling something. I snapped out of my thoughts and refocused my senses on the road. What i saw in front was even more a real danger than an aircraft landing its fat arse on the car. During my hypnotic state i hadnt noticeed the slight curve on the road to the left. And this was the problem.
I was riding head on into the divider at around 80kilometers per hour with only a fraction of a second to take any evasive action. For some reason i didnt hit the brakes. I quickly shifted to the next lower gear which immedeately caused the car to slow down rapidly. Only then did i hit the brakes and took a brake squealing turn away fromt he divider. For a whole minute after that there was complete silence in the car. Only the radio was playing some stupid song from some not so good hindi movie.
This particular incident happened a few months back. But the reason for my writing this entry is because of what happened two days back when i was coming back from the travel agency. I was now on the opposite side of the road. The traffic was heavy but fast moving at an average of 40 kilometers per hour. Everyone were driving nose to tail. Since i was on my bike i was driving as far to the left as possibile. I was around 50 meters away from the spot where the aircraft flies over head. At that moment a Boeing glided down disappearing as soon as it appeared. Just them something weird happened. All vehicles to my right came screeching to a halt nearly bumping into the vehicle in front of it. One guy on a bike almost flew forward and would have crashed into the Sumo hadnt he held on to his handlebar. From my position i was able to see how close he was to doing a somersault with his whole bike. Similar fates were experienced by number of bikers who chose to take the fast lane.
The cars too were close to ramming into the tail lights of the ones in front of it. I guess it was the heavy traffic which saved a large amount of damage since evryone were driving within their speed limits.
As we slowly proceeded forward we saw what had caused the near fatal pileup. It was an Esteem this time. The car was lying with all its windows and windshield broken in our side of the road. He had taken the shortcut path to jump frfom the otherside of the divider to our side.
From here onwards im writing what i assume to have happened. The Esteem after hitting the divider might have gone airborne. Taking off from his end and flew right into our sided of the track across the divider. The small advertisement board broke his flight. The back tire of the car must have hit the board causing it to prematurely stop its projectile motion and land head first into the road with vehicles coming head on. The driver fearing a direct hit swered to the left and came to halt with a shower of broken glass when he hit the divider from this side. Maybe it was this time that all vehicles There was woman in the car with him. Both seemed unhurt but were in shock. Luckily at that time there were two cops walking back home. They took care of sitution without allowing it to escalate into a traffic jam.
Within a few minutes i passed the aciident site. I remembered the evenign when i was almost is the same position as the Esteem is at the moment. A shiver ran down my spine. Im sure that it was not the cold winter air which caused it.

travel agent

2004-12-12T10:01:00.000-08:00

Da wanted me to help out in the travel agency this week. Florine decided to take a week long holiday.She is the girl working in the agency. So yesterday was the first day of official work.I forgot the mention that whole of last week i volunteered to go there and sit around with nothing in particular to do. But since Forine is not there i have some work to do there.But as usual with every new thing that i decide to do i do get into new adventures worth remembering. Its nothing short of an adventure when you have to interact with so many people. Attend calls. Make bookings. Listen to complaints from people you hardly know.But they seem to know you juust because they see you whenever they come there to play the part of a customer.There is this one guy whose name i dont remember who is obsessed with palmistry. He is this sickly looking chap who walks around in front of the agency in a sweater. His english is perfect with a slight hint of a south indian accent. What first made me notice him was the way he rubs his left palm with his right thumb and then continue to stare at it.At first i assumed that he must be rubbing off some dirt. But the intensity with which he does it made me doubtful of this thoery. Then it was Nagesh (the guy who drives the Ambassador) who told that the rubbing of palm was the guys attempt to bring some changes to his lines on them. Later when i spoke to da, he told me that the guy has some mental problem due to which he isnt able to get a decent job. This guy sometimes comes to make phone calls but most of the time ends up talking to himself.Then there are people who are normal to their employers.Who have decent jobs, have a family but are considered crazy by the public. One such guy lives in the apartment opposite to the agency. One morning i heard loud noises coming form the apartment's parking lot. I at first ignored it thinking it was some weirdo trying to ge some work done. This went on for quite sometime. Until fianlly i couldnt resist taking a peak. At that very moment this guy comes out screaming explitives in hindi and english at no one in particular. All the people on the road stopped to watch the normal/schizo guy. Then i look carefully and see that this guy is actually screaming at another guy wearing the uniform of a driver. At that moment the first thought that crossed my mind was that "Maybe these are just lovers havinga role playing party when something went wrong". Then i concentrate on what the guy is saying and i quote here the exact words i heard. "You bastard, you cheat, i will kill you. if you touch me once again i will take my gun and shoot you". i dont know what the other people were thinking. But right at that moment i came to a really naughty conclusion and i coudnt resist laughing. Only then i realised that everyone around me were rollicking in laughter. I couldnt resist for much longer and i joined the party.:) Then after that incident Vasanth (he drives the Indica) told me that the guy is a psycho and was having problems with his driver. I wasnt surprised, because india will have to wait a few more years before gay lovers decide to bring their fights onto the streets.Let me see what more will happen this next week.

Ambition

2004-07-07T12:20:00.000-07:00

its going to be 1 am in few minuntes from now. its raining outside my window and i got test this saturday for which im supposed to be studying. i just write this journal to say im busy and ambitious at the moment so no amount of sleep is going to puch me into bed.
goodnight. zzzzzzz!!!!

the night after the night

2004-07-05T11:14:00.000-07:00

the morning ws really bad. woke up feeling a hole inside me. the day wasnt going to be the same. the day from today onwards was going to be the same way it was before nish came. but then its not exactly the same, this is the solace i have. i feel better now.
i knew i wont be able to study. so called up sav early to tell him to postpone the study hour. i went to the university to sheeja chechi's work done. it was 3.30 by the time i came back home. wasnt in a mood to study. so cancelled the todays hour completely.
went to the net. spent time there. then went to bibin's place. came back home at 8. changed teh photos to the required size. im thinking of creating website only with the photos. there are quite a few. that way we can access them whenever we want to.
im feel ok now. will wake up tomorrow to see how life is going to be.

leaving on a jet plane

2004-07-04T11:14:00.000-07:00

this happened when i was really small. if i felt sad for some reason. then what happened was that a lump started to form in my throat. it would grow bigger and bigger the more sadder i got and it would make talking or breathing difficult. at that time i assumed that i would die due to the suffocation caused by the lump. so to prevent myself from dying i invented a technique to avoid the ball from growing bigger. i just smiled which slowly turned into laughter in most cases. well maybe thats the reason why i kept smiling all the time while i was talking to nish today for the last time. nish is leaving today at around midnight. that would officially inaugrate our relationship at the newer level that we have reached. its going to be an exciting but tough journey from now on.
nish and asha came home at around 7.15pm today. stayed for a while. told ma and preethy bye.
oh by the way today was the Walkin interview at the ORACLE. well it was a rampage down there but we (sav, bibin, jubun and me) managed to get into the company and finish the test by 10.40am uh im really tired today. cant write anything. im yawning like a maniac. nish gave me her rubberband so that i can snap them as and when i like. :)
and oh i got permission for the cable net. i think i will have to go to the unversity tomorrow.
from tomorrow onwards its going to silencec again except for the silent clacking of the keyboard keys. if smiles made noise there would be a clamour that could possibly bring down the walls of jericho.
goodnight

sweet june

2004-07-03T11:09:00.000-07:00

the deepest wishes always come true if you are patient enough. a large dose of faith also helps in making what seems to be an impossible thing into the possible. just two days back i was thinking that i would never be able to walk through ring road with nish. but today that wish became possible just because of pratap being able to bring his dad's car out for lunch. the chances of pratap coming for todays lunch at tamarind was really slim. he was late by almost 2 hours. we had almost finished our lunch. then while leaving he asks nish and me to jump in.
wasnt that a surprise to both of us. but we finally we got to walk through ring road even though it was only for a brief period of time. would you call thata miracle or just a freak coincidence. whatever it is , it felt good walking with nish for one more time before she left to medical school. i was thinking of the last time we did the same kind of walk. things are a whle lot different from last time. the last time i didnt have hope, but this time i have faith in our relationship. i ask again was it time that brought us together or was it the time we made for each other that brought us close. i had a really wonderful time this june.
oh i forgot to write about the lunch. we were ten of us nish, savio, avinash, nandan, shwetha,sharon abraham, kutti sharon, nisha (sharon A's baby sister) reena. pratap popped in late. as usual everyone was late exceept for reena, nish and me. i know im boasting about that. we had fun just sitting there and talking. we took a few pictures. i liked the picture on the bridge with nish. reminded us about "A Bridge Across Forever". :)
nish you are leaving tomorrow. im really happy for us. afterall we didnt turn out to be two strangers meeting each other and then going our own ways. the way we connected was really beautiful and amazing. thank you for everything nish. thank you for being us. you did play a major role in this togetherness that we share. should i say 50%. well i put in 50% too.just kidding. no comparisons. the nuumbers dont matter its the feeling that counts.i love you nish.

booker coincidential prize

2004-07-02T10:45:00.000-07:00

a visit to Ganagaram's book store gave me all the information i never expected. i was with nish. i picked two books for her. she thought i was buying it for myself. then she tells me that she had bought the exact same books for me. well was that a coincidence or was it another frreak thing that nature does to make us gawk at it in awe. well i dont know what to think of the incident. the books i bought were "illusion" and "jonathan livingstone seagull" both by richard bach.
i bought asha a book by khalil gibran called "the prophet".
in a few hours from now nish leave me and go, though the parting will be only of flesh but not of spirit. in a few days we would be doing what we did these five years, virtually building our relationhsip. the only difference would be that we would know now what it was to be with each other which i must say is an infinite times more fulfilling than a mere chat with the help of the electric pulses.
i dont want to wish for time to stop as it would mean stopping life too. this is because life never stops for anything, even time. life like any other form of energy will always continue for eternity taking different forms to grow in wisdom.
nish im really sad your going but im not sorry that you are going. its only if you go tomorrow that we can meet later.
the time spent together will always remain with me reminding me of the better times to come. soon i will be checking out the international clock to wonder what you will be doing at that time.
Sometimes i wondedr why is it that during moments like these the music i am listening to seems so apt for the situation. even if it isnt i who put on the music. its like some freak force in nature knows what im feeling and then selects the music that helps soothe your mind.
i bought nish the YANNI CD. i always wanted to give her some songs of yanni. i hope she likes them.
ok so what was the funny thing that happened today. i can only think of is the differencecs in pronunciations between the indian and americans. we pronounce flower as "FLAR" whereas nsih pronounceces it as "FLAA-VER". well there are other funny words pronunciations too like shower, tower, twenty etc. we had a good laugh telling things to each other. oh the other funny thing was the sharing water with each other, though everytime the water seemed to boil because of the heat generated. did we miss the wine? i cant say. ive never experienced it.

Applying thoughts to pointers

2004-06-30T11:02:00.000-07:00

the interview that we were supposed to have got postponed to soemtime next week. so then we submitted our resume. savio wasnt happy about the whole thing. we then went to gangarams to buy poniters in C, came back home and did studying till 2.30 pm
then i went to the net. nish came with me. spent an hour in the net. she spent the afternoon with shwetha and nandan. tomorrow we are going to see troy.

date not cancelled

2004-06-29T12:23:00.000-07:00

guess what?
the interview we were supposed to have got cancelled. so i could keep my date with nish. asha was alittle pissed about the whole thing. she left to sunitha aunties house.
nish and went to MG road. bought some stuff. bought her Tshirt and books by richard bach. coincidentally she also bought me the very same books i bought her. i bought asha a book and keychain. i hope she likes them.
then on the way back wentot sunitha auties placee. had lunch there. it was really good being with them. met vivi.
cam back home by afternoon. savio calls up to say about another interview tomorrow morning. i asked him to come over and do some studies togther. we did a little of operating system. he had to leave by 1 am.
so then after leaving him here i am typing away my journal entry for the day.
hey i got mym results today for 8th semster. i got 82.9% . isnt that cool .now my agregate is 75.54% overall.

tongue twister

2004-06-28T10:35:00.000-07:00

a nightmare woke me up this morning. it was about some lady who was similar to jubi chechi trying to mess around between me and nish. it couldnt see the end of the dream as i was woken up by da to drop preethy at the tuition place.
but since it was already late preethy decided to bunk tuitions. so that means i had woken up on a cold morning with nothing to do until ma asked me to help her rinse the clothes. then everyone left home to their respective work places leaving me to my lonliness.
i downloaded a few artsy pictures from the net. then waited till it was around time to call up nish by doing nothing. went to nish's place spent time there talking to her till it was afternoon. came back home to have my lunch which consisted of chicken, rice and cutlets. dozed off for a few minutes until ma came back home all drenched from the unexpected showers.
bought some wheat from the grain store and gave it to the flour mill to pulverize it into the state by which we can ,ake chapatis. and on the way i saw a rainbow. it was justy amazing as usual. then went to the net . posted my resume for ORACLE.chatted with KB and nikhil. then hemashree also came online chatted a bit with her too. after they all left i spent time reading up other peoples blog entries which seemed to be the most interesting thing to do at that moment.
nish said she wont be able to make it to the internet center. then when i got back home ma reminded me to get the flour from the mill which i had forgotten completely. when i went to get it back i rememberd that manju was leaving to chennai. so i called him up and then he tells me he was at nish's place. i drop by with the container of flour. he bought nish and me a photo album where we are to put our photos together. wished him luck and then got back home. and here i am typing this entry shamelesely yawning at every given oportunity.
ill load this up before i close my eyes completely.

dinner !!!!

2004-06-27T11:02:00.000-07:00

we just finished our dinner. nish and asha were here. it was nice having dinner togther. sav and manju were here too.
nish and asha were here at 7.35, manju at 8.20 and savio at 9pm. im too excited at teh moment to write about what happened.
it was nice all of us sittng at the table having our meal. i know one day we would all be doing it again, but at that time the relationships between us will be different and more concrete. im waiting for that day.
da got confused between asha and nish. he wanted to know who nish was. preethy solved the problem.
god i feel like i finished one big exam!!!!
i didnt feel like this even after an exam or even during my first interview. god it is not even as scary as the tunnel we saw yesterday. ill get to that inmmededately.
yesterday we all went for a trek to ramanagaram. the place where they shot the film "sholay". it was really amazing experince. it was actually supposed to be a 3 day trip which i surely wouldnt have gone for. luckily for us it was made into a 1 day trip which i could also go for.
well the trek was really wonderful. every second during the trek was memeorable. it started of with a climb of the steps to temple. from the temple we found 2 paths leading us deep into the mountains. we first took the path that went to the right. we kept going until we found a rock which had the footholds and handholds carved into it. nisha and avinash were brave enough to suggesta climb up. we trsuted avinash would be able to scale it. but i was scared for nish. so everyone of us opted out of it. finally nisha too agreed with us after attempting to climb the first 2 steps.
then we came downback to the temple. then we took the other path. this seemed to be a less frequesntly used path since most of the way was quickly getting covered by thick foliage. this was more of a hindrance to shwetha who seemd to be getting an attack of the alergy.
on the way down. we passed through a shady spot which had alarge number of butterflies fluttering around. our trek down was frequently iunteruppted by unexpected rests which seemed to be a moralizer rather than the opposite.
well we kept going down until we reached a clearing . we were standing along the preimeter of something which was similar to a fort wall. the wall gave way to a steep rock which seemed more dauting from top than from the bottom. at the end of a rock we saw a canal which seemed to run all around the mountain. we took a vote to see as to what to be done next. the choice to get into the canal was made. here again we had two options to make in terms of the direction of the canal. we chose to walk left first. the surprise didnt end there. the canal lead us straight into a tunnel. the tunnel looked inviting to us but we were warned agaisnt going there by the localites. they told us that there were bears in it. savio got us a really great picture at the entrrance. we walked in until where the light from the entrance reached. the tunnel seemd endless. we tried using the flash of the camera to determine the distance upto which the tunnel extended. the light got lost into the darkness giving us an inkling as to the depthe of the tunnel. honestly it did send chill down our spines. we turned back as soon as we could. no one was intersted of becoming desert for Mr Bear. on the way back we saw a dead snake. the other way down the canal lead to a dead end. so then we got out of the canal went to a cool spot had our lunch. half way through our lunch it started raining. since there was nowhere to go we sat there in the open got drenched along with our chapathi and lime rice. the food tasted real good. thank you aunty for the food.
then by 3pm we made our way back to the van. drove back to kammanahlli. we reached our home land at around 5.30pm/ we had ice creams from "kulfi korner". walked back home. dropped savio at his home.
then went to bed early. today was going to be a bigger day. im sure the adrenaline rush had reached an all time high during the dinner. a not must be made that this comparison doesnt include the encounters with nish.
i think im though for today. thank you asha for the support. nish you were amazing beautiful.

todays story as told by manju and sav

2004-06-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

a nice day comes to its end. we had fun today . sav manju dropped in at nish's place at around noon. they were expected to be there at around 6pm actully. nish and me got teased so much. it was funny though.
we had puliyogare which nish and asha made. it tasted nice with the curds. we also learnt that eggplant is same as brinjal. then at around 4 manju and sav came home with me. manju left early because he had work. sav and me watched "finding nemo". he liked the movie very much.
then caled up nish. we decideed to meet in the internet center. spent an hour with her at the net cheking for mail. well by the time we came back it was 7.45pm.just as i dropped her off jeeva chechi was there. i wonder what she was thinking. she didnt make eye contact with me.
nish i hope you didnt get into trouble.
another good thing that happend is that both ma and da agreed to allow me to go to ramnagar for the trip this coming saturday. ma wanted asha also to come with us. but i told her asha would be busy.
da told me that the place was 30km from here. he asked me to be careful while climbing mountains. im looking forward to the trip.
i wonder if i will be able to see nish tomorrow. i got to take the car to the garage and get some work done.

fishy business

2004-06-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

I stare at the picture on my desktop. its such an amazing piece of art. the eyes are really wonful. i downloaded the picture this morning. i dont have the URL to it so i wont be able to put it here. it was created by H R GIGER. i downlaodedd a few pictures morning as i was waitng to nish's place.
i had this ulcer on my "epiglotis" so that meant eating would be a throat wrenching experince. this resulted in me postponing my breakfast as much as possible. then went to nish'a place at around 10.30. spent the whole morning there. i reluctantly returned home at around 3 pm. had aquick lucnh and waited for ma to return from office.
ahe arrived at around 4. then took a short nap for around 15 minutes. after having some tea i went to the internet center.
the internet center turned out to be a blessing in disguise. since there were no computers available i had to wait. during this time i sat watching the aquarium. it was really an amazing experience watching the fish swsim about in its own miny world oblivious of it surroundings outside its own world.
there were around 10 fishes int he tank. most of them seemed a little bored. the others seemed a little hungry. it reminded me of "finding nemo" since most of them were goldedd. there was one particular fish which was black in colour, which remindeed me of "GILL". well this little bugger would drift around the aquarium in sombre moood. he seemed to be disinterested in what the other fish were doing.
he swwam really slow too. i guess he has finally reached that point of life where it doesnt really matter whether you eat or not. atleast he seemed like he wasnt the kind of fish that would eat and hence waste time.
could you call a fish as "finish" just because he has fins. then there was this other fish which pooped a thin long strand of excreta. the strand wouldnt detach itself from the cold blooded beast. it kept following the fish where ever the sih felt it was going which was nothing more than circles. then finally the strand lost its sense of adventure and decideed to swim down towards the bottom. but instead of crash landing onto deep end of the tank it got attacked by a barbaric shoal of smaller fish.
these fish who seemed uniterested until that moment were in their own world trying to catch as many air bubbles before were lost into the atmosphere.
there was also this other fish that pooped in bursts in regular interval. this too seemed to be a form of delicacy to the smaller guys.
i was just wondering how would the scuba suit of a fish look like. what would it use instead of oxygen. we use the liquified form of the life giving gas during our adventures. im just assuming that the fish will carry around a block of ice. it would be funny watching the fish cary around an ice cube.
the next thing that i noticecd was that fish do burp. but since the burp is all water the bubbles are not seen. for example when we burp we produce a foul smelling wave of stale air. we can however not see this air beinging ventilated out of the body. similarl in the case of fishes the burp out water.
i used to always wondedr as to why these stupuid fishes do not blink. thats when i came up with this theory, that fish do blink but they do it only when we blink. and they do it so fast that it looks like the sachin's fear will not affect the nation.
so much for fish. my eyelids are crashing into each other. i cant stay up for long today i think.

mutual bond on migration

2004-06-21T10:50:00.000-07:00

i just read this line that insanity is contagiious. does that mean you become insane or you just act like you are insane?
ok that was just the thought for the day. its ben quite sometime since ive been myself.
ok so today what was the most intersting thing i did? well first of all i got some mutual bonds so that must be reason why im not supposed to say thank you. it was really funny being looking into one eye and then the other.
well after that i went to the university to get the migration certificate. luckily i had da's bike to go there. well i did manage to get losta few times due to the numerous one ways we have don here. well other than that th rest of the day was very insipid.
came back home at around 5 pm. then went to drop my resume with jerry's sister. she works in some software company called POIROT im not sure what that is though.
then after that went to fix my neighbours watch. almost made a fool of myself but i jujst managed to save my reputation with a the truth itself.
then came back home. spoke to nish on the phone. then went to the library to return the book i had taken in march. luckily the librarian took only 3 bucks as fine. whew. its been like 3 months since ive taken the book. then i picked up Catch 22 by joseph heller.
i got to finish reading nish's second book "A wind in the Door" i think ive read 50 pages of it. the predecessor of this book called "A Wrinkle in Time" was good, though i should mention it was bit kiddish.
good night.
ps: the mutual bond was really amazing.

I met the ORACLE

2004-06-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

let us look at life in this way. i type an entry for the journal. im half way through and suddenly i press a wrong button and i loose everything i typed. what am i supposed to do? scream at myself. most of time i wonder as to what would i have done in case evrything worked perfectly. i think i would have gone mad searching for something as silly as atwisted nail to get things wrong in my life so that io can act as calm as possible. well atleast i wont have to worry about certain things in life.
for example this morning iw oke up to ma yelling at preethy for over sleeping. wasnt i sleeping too. but it was such an oxymoron. i was thinking the same thing too. why should preethy be slogging the butt opff while i be sleeping cizily in my bed. thats what pulled me out of bed. but then only when i came don did i relaize that i was a bit too late as ma had already left to church atleast half an ago. but i thought i had heard her voice down justa moment before. thats when the realization hit me like a cold bucket of ice and tea that after hearing their conversation i must have drifted off into my own world of fantasy and freedom.
this freedom didnt last for long beacause almost immedetely ma appeared at the door way and drove both preethy and me to church.
well church was really an unusual experience because we chose not to experience anything that the god chose for us. both of us speant the time talking about stuff. oh i alos rember teasing a few toddlers until their mother's gave me scornful stares that could only freeze an ice cream.
after our enthusiastic "AMEN" at the end of mass both of got ma some mince and oil. with the help of which she was going to make us meatball (pun intently used with a bit of nonvegetarianism ) curry.
when we got back home i had a surprise waiting for me. da had called up. ORACLE was in need of applications from freshers who were currently available and also skillfull in handling the tasks given to them. thats not what the advertisement said because there was no such advertisement. so then the three of us (bibin, jubin who is bibin's cousin and me) cramped ourselves in an autorickshaw and zoomed away to bannerghata road which was happens to be very close to our tavel agency (GEO CABS). but the whole journey towards the ninth planet in the farthest solar system had an anticlimatic end as the watchman in his piggish english informed us that "NO FRESHERS ALOWED. ALL FRESHERS MUST PUT THEIR RESUME IN THIS BOX AND LEAVE". wow thanks for the information pal. youve been a chum. well i suppose an alien would be more than just as a hospitable or otherwise.
met da at the agency.he gave me some cash for the trip back.just as we were leaving i remembered that naveen KB lived in the neighbourhood. so i gave hima call and asked him to meet us in front of the ORACLE building which seemed like an only landmark as it was the only building under constructiuon at that moment.
it was nice meeting him after such a long time. (2 weeks). the chap has got a bloddy job in wipro. good for him. atleast he will not be able to watch TV when he wants to or say run around in the rain because he will be wearing a suit to work. jeez i bet im more luckier than him in these aspects.
then rode back home in our beloved autorickshaws as we call them.
went and picked up a movie "the great train robbery" with sean connery in the lead. then i went to bibin's place.had lunch there even though i insisted that preethy would be alone.
well i forgot to tell you that while i was jouneying acrose the multitude of galaxies ma had gone on her own journey to fight crime with the superpowers of a policestation in white field.
so then i came back home watched the mosie i picked up. after the moviue i thought i would write dwon the whole experince thing. i do this because a very learned yogi from the himalays "yogi paramjadukamraj" told me that writing things you did will help in attaining nirvana. im not as gullibel as it may appear but in this case i took him for his word as he seemed so freakish. well all freaks do say the truth during times of consumation.
after the movie on my way to the internet center an old man flashed me his P**** . uhg usually im not shy but in this case i felt a revulsion which seemd to spill out my guts through my mouth witha few invluntary movements by my food canal. i managed to escape from the humiliation in public because there was no one else to witness the dastardly act of self exposure.
well then i did what i started doing . i started writing a journal entry and i press the "delete" button and everythihng is gone. so i decided the place was bad luck and switched to a new internet center. before that i called nish. (god!! i miss the craking knucles and other details). well i said i will call her up in at around 8. then came here started typing this entry for the journal. by the way as i was doing this i also got myself registered into www.blogspot.com. so now im currently setting up the preferences of my new blog entry journal. so ill just be back in few hours. did i mention that im supposed to call nish at around 8 today. i know i wont forget but im just thinking about it.